Musings from the Merse

2011-12-22T17:51:00.005Z

Farewell Sherif of Duns

According to today's Berwickshire News Duns' Court is in danger of disapearing as a money saving measure plus the courts in Peebles and Selkirk as well. Contemplate life without Sherif Kevin Drummond whose doings used to be a feature of the Berwickshire which no longer publishes court reports to the detriment of enjoying life more fully.No doubt the same drunken drivers, the same hapless Eastern Europeans whom nobody told they must have British Driving licences, the same 'Domestics' take place and sentences are still handed down by the Sherif of Duns but no cub reporter to reveal all. Now the court will be empty and yet another dusty court room will join its neighbours in Peebles and Selkirk and the legal service will be centralised further.

It might never happen. But I fear the worst

Lack of business is given as a possible reason. So Robin Hood, Portuguese drivers, aggressive and drunken yobs, boy racers please return to Duns; it is only your collective efforts can keep Sherif Kevin on his bench

2011-12-19T21:00:00.003Z

WHAT GOES ROUND......

I see from the recent Berwickshire-Minutes of the Hutton and Paxton Community Council that the hoary old chestnut of Devdlopment at Hutton Castle Barns has raised its hoary old head again. Ironically all this could have been settled years ago when the Castle Barns highheidyins put in an application to build 4 new houses without consulting the people most affected by their application. It has been bad blood every since with every application blocked by the local community-and being subsequently withdrawn by HCB. Huttonian earnestly suggests that the two parties talk to each other instead of exchanging legal opinions.

2011-12-13T19:32:00.002Z

To the gym today In search of desperately needed exercise indoors. Outside we have been battered all day by storm force winds which have demolished a second section of fence. The owner of the garden has now removed the fence, tied it down and left it in his garden.

The trouble with gym is the repititous and boring exercises on such devices as the cycling and walking machines, the skiing simulator and various pulleys for strengthening your arms and other muscles. But better than fighting the winds outside.

We bought our christmas tree today and it is bundled up in the garden to await the arrival of our middle daughter who we hope will erect the tree in a bucket filled with logs. Its quite a big tree for a small house>

Hope for a quiet day tomorrow-we certainly deserve one

2011-12-12T19:41:00.004Z

Gales etc

The misery continues. More lethal ice this morning and our fence shared with our neighbour up near the gate blown down in the gale sent by the BBC terror site three days ago. Christmas won't be much fun if the weather continues like this.

I am now a fan of the BBC quiz site-Eggheads-6pm each weekday. Prize money of £1,000 which rolls over every time the Eggheads win which is most of the time. The teams sent against them are pretty mediocre but the eggheads have lost twikce this week thus keeping the prize money low

2011-12-07T14:59:00.003Z

THAT SHRINKING FEELING

Yet another visit from a senior shrink. More adjustments in medication-merely rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic.

Woke to black ice on our garden path which I first noticed doing a spectacukar tumble. THe wife has used table salt container to clear the path.

I have just bought a gillet to keep me warm on the driving range but it is just too icy to go there for the moment

2011-12-02T11:50:00.003Z

More Shrinkage

Today the head shrink called and we agreed a framework for me to work back towards normality-eg more golf and more independence generally. This is going to take time and considerable effort as I will have to do more of the household chores than is the case at present where the wife pretty well does everything.Watch this space,

It looks like snow today and we had a hard frost last night. This time last year we were snowbound and had been for some time. Lovely sunny start to the day but it is now clouded over and very cold

Duns Christmas lights will be switched on this weekend; a modest tree and the usual decorations

2011-12-01T15:52:00.002Z

RETURNING TO GOLF?

For the second time in a week I have ventured down to Puton Mill for a golf lesson. Just back from the gym-forced marching and cycling have exhausted me but at least very good for morale and the next step will be an outing to the Duns Golf Club(MPBUI)I have akso been toning up my muscles at the gym The marching is to tone up my legs which are very weak after two years of under use

2011-11-29T11:52:00.005Z

Update

Just back from the gym-forced marching and cycling have exhausted me but at least we were inside away from the rain. Last night we watched a bewitching edition of The Choir with Gareth Malone. Do find it on IPlayer as it is a magical hour. Rev continues to charm as well and this series is up to the standard set by the first

I have had a session with the teaching pro at Puton Mill. I surprised my self with my length off the tee with my driver and 8 Iron. Also my dhort putts were dead on line. Mr Sadler seemed quite impressed. Next step is to get back on the course if I can find someone prepared to play only a few holes

2011-11-23T18:35:00.002Z

Shrunk

Today my senior shrink called to see me.She is the one who decides on the large collection of pills now clinking around my inside. We agreed after 40 minutes or so to slightly reduce the dosage to see if this makes any difference. I doubt it will. What is needed is a massive shake up and at least abandoning one pill completELY which will
make me feel less chemically coshed than is the case at present, But shrinks lay great
emphasis on the little horrors ans abandon
tHEM WITH GREAT RELUCTABCE

lESS DRUGS WILL MEAN mORE COHERENT BLOGS. We can all say Amen to that

2011-11-21T17:41:00.002Z

Keeping our hand in

we have just said goodbye to our middle daughter and husband. A useful couple to have around; even with our blunt axe he has chopped a lot of wood and she is a tower of strength in the kitchen as we actuallly had a small supper party-the first for some months. Today we suffer from overindulgence and in my case a stinking cold.

Tonight is a good TV night-the Choir at 9pm and University Challenge at 8 and then an early night.

As you can see we have no material for blogging so I am trying to keep my hand in. With more activity blogs should become more interesting

2011-11-19T17:58:00.004Z

BACK ON LINE

Well here we are back on line after many months of silence. Log fire blazing in the wOOd burning stove, new computer snuggling my lap and glass of orangejuice at my elbow. The drugs I am on rules out alcohol which anyhow does nothing for my tastebuds
Very little to report as basically the same cocktail has left me in generally muzzy state with very little incentive to do anything including golf where I am any how handicapped (no pun intended) by the recurrence of a leg injury which would rule me out from playing more than a hole or two.

I will try to be more enterprising but at present I have no news to report except that the notorious B6461 maintains its record for the slowest drivers on record and the largest number of large tractors with immense trailers which the slow driversjust do not overtake making a trip to Berwick a most irritating proceeding.

Winston Churchill decribed a depression as a big black dog on your back. I agree with the said dog dulling your perception and weighing down your spirits. I hope therefore to have some comments from fellow sufferers

2010-12-11T14:37:00.002Z

And the wretched snow is still with us making the B6461 still impassable without 4 wheel drive. So we are stuck in Duns with our carport surrounded by 2 foot of snow and having to walk everywhere to reach anything.

Roll on the Spring I say

2010-08-20T18:23:00.003+01:00

Voytek again.

I promised not to blog about the Polish fighting bear but the Berwickshire has several columns on the beast

Apparently the indefatigble Mrs O has hopes that Voytek the Polish soldier bear is after all to have a statue of him erected in Duns although he had no connection with the place. Voytek did his drinking and smoking elsewhere in the Borders based at Winfield Airport near Paxton. But Mrs O is bringing out a book on the fighting drinking beast and any publicity will not do her scribblings any harm. Let us hope that any statue is more prepossesing than the rather camp one put up to commemorate Duns' most famous son-no not Jim Clark, but Duns Scrotus who was apparently born in Dunse or Duns is called after him. Duns Scrotus or Scotus wore the origin of the first Dunce's Cap-he was a controversial figure and was thought a bit slow if not daowright heretical in his docrine.

THe bear bears watching. And save your pennies for Mrs O's tome. Disapointed in her parliamentary efforts her writing career can hardly be less sucessfull.

Can it ?

2010-07-13T15:37:00.002+01:00

So is this the end of the summer already. Bitterwind from the Northeast and weak sunshine and it is only mid July for goodness sake. To day is the day for a brisk walk and otherwise shiver inside. And where is the rain? The driest period I can remember and it is cold work watering freezing plants. But we have managed to pick all the black currants and gooseberries just leaving a few red currants and raspberries which are very late.

More news when fingers thaw out

2010-06-24T14:08:00.004+01:00

At last-a return to the blog and well overdue it is! In Duns it is easy to sink into lazy routines ignoring the big Issues which must be faced, including it seems says the Berwickshire, the dualling of the A1 which is still single carriage way for much of its passage in Northumberland and Berwickshire. Actually it is arguably time to forget the A1 and to dual the notorious B6461 and tne Fishwick By-Pass.

What has the apple tree in the Old Manse got to do with all this I hear you cry. Very Little but it is such a nice image I thought I should share it with you

2010-05-23T17:03:00.002+01:00

Just back from the Emerald Isle aka Norn Iron. Sadly no golf as my right leg is playing up so had to be satisfied with short walks and cold smoothies. And the return trip on Stena HSS is the way to go if you can afford the ten quid for Stena Plus lounge and all the cold Chardonnay you can drink free. No back in the Small House in Duns

Annesley course 6 iron at 17th

2010-05-03T19:49:00.001+01:00

Annesley course 6 iron at 17th
Originally uploaded by old_greywolf2000

Soon I shall be there. Yipee etc. Watch this space

2010-03-24T15:58:00.002Z

Just got this Good Evening, Sir. I was recently reading your blog, and I thought...

Why is there no comment on the hideous and environmentally unfriendly blue lidded recycling bins? Huttonian, you should be at the helm of the community on this one! One of your Whitsome correspondents lives in a row of 7 cottages to which 5 were delivered and solemnly counted out by the expensive hired van with its 2 staff. The bins were all ajar and none closed properly until the second week, by which time water had got into them from the lousy weather. None of the bins had the full complement of items explaining at great length all the bits that can’t be recycled (most of your rubbish, thanks to Messrs Morrison, etc) let alone the bag that allows you to keep a dustbin extension of garbage in your very own kitchen for up to a fortnight. Rural areas are just a hideous welter of these plastic aliens. Why didn’t they at least order aesthetic green ones like those enjoyed by the couthy burghers of Edinburgh? There was a rumour that the collection was to be fortnightly but, no further notice having been given, both types of bin are being collected weekly. Following collection there is a competition between the bin people to spread the bins across any place where it might cause maximum disruption to a motor vehicle.
W
Yrs in the highest of dudgeon,

Cheviot Hill

Amen

And this : Good Morning, Sir. I was recently reading your blog, and I thought...

The new and very hideous rubbish bins have been delivered – 5 for a row of 7 cottages. Why on earth can’t they at least give us green ones like the posh folk in Edinburgh? It’s all supposed to be in a green cause. Given all the restrictions on what we can put in them I’m surprised they bother. Now how do I recycle all the excess clear plastic recycling bags? And, oh, the ruddy things don’t shut properly either.

Yours in despair

Rees I. Kohl

2010-03-24T15:36:00.003Z

Only the brave deserve the Fair

THE BITTER TRUTH

She liked it sour and strong.
He liked it sweet and mild.
"Fair Trade"
So that is OK then.
(Even in Lent it seems)

"Fair Trade"?
So acceptable here
But what about over there?
Kwame (7) and Helen (9)
can tell you something of fair trade.
Half a cedi for a twelve hour day; take home pay
And all the chocolate they can eat?
No! One nibble and you're on the street.

But what the heck
It's "Fair Trade"

Ash Wednesday. Start of Lent.
Sour and strong; mild and sweet.
My Goodness what a super treat!
But Kwame(7) and Helen (9)cry in their sleep.

"Nice isn't it?"
Said he
"After you with the Guardian"
Said she!

SeeBBC1 9 pm to night

Painted Lady

2010-03-02T17:42:00.001Z

Painted Lady
Originally uploaded by old_greywolf2000

Just snow drops at the minute-if they come can Spring be far behind!

Ffion, Poultry Farmer

2010-03-02T17:36:00.001Z

Ffion, Poultry Farmer
Originally uploaded by old_greywolf2000

Sadly both hens are now in the great poultry farm in the sky-a fox got them. In N13!

2010-02-23T20:09:00.003Z

MMay your lung long reek

The letters column in the Berwickshire seems to have not lost its edge:

See first epistle at http://www.berwickshire-news.co.uk/CustomPages/CustomPage.aspx?SectionID=4316 'Scots' at its best

A west end theatre critic is not in the same league as this guy. Not even the Cockney Sparrow ' My china (mate plate) liked this (stray play) and we hollored our appreciation from the Gods.Well worth the tanner.)

So Duns has a new flag

Didn't notice the old one

Good to b able to read the BN with interest

Up the Sawns

2010-02-23T19:39:00.001Z

swan_upping_3
Originally uploaded by disgruntled

Thankyou Disgruntled for this enticing image of a swan being upped-usually by men -hence the title I suppose

2010-02-23T18:56:00.004Z

Profundis on stilts

As Huttonian arises from the depths his long depression (missing Hutton? he has been following with interest (3.5 % in line with current inflation)the very small print on the contra indications of my pills and in even smaller letters possible side effects. These range from a nasty cold to Death One of my packets talked of 'Voices' 'Hallucinations'' Self harm-like hospital food). I had a rare one-saw two people at the same time in Hutton Main street

So those pills really work.

Now A peasant more road flashes please. What is still moving on the B6461

Come one Come All Huttonian is back

2010-02-06T14:17:00.002Z

The small house in Duns is now snow free but the melody lingers on with wet grass and thawing mud! No doubt more of the white stuff to come. The Wife is already planting this years veggies and I am trying to keep out of it. Hoping it will rain and bring the proceedings to a premature halt!

2009-12-21T16:50:00.003Z

snowreturning tonight. We have family who are already Bordererd so the new bedroom with three outsidewalls holds no terror. WE already have a lot of snow so we hope the sunroom/porch roof will continue to take the strain

2009-12-19T17:19:00.002Z

sORRY but I am not deid the yet! Sorry to disapoint big Jim and Farmer C. That time will come but Huttonian marches on. We are snowed in in the Small House in Duns -not as bad as Hutton but snow enough. Sadly the wood burning stove is on the blink.

Kee you posted. Npi

2009-12-17T16:33:00.003Z

And again. Bad luck Mr Robinson but yuo really did not need an extra house at Hutton C M.

Christmas in Snowy Duns. And snowy is the mot juste. And with central heating on the blink no joke I can assure you.

Just ourselves-Bah Humbug and thast is quite enough.

2009-12-17T16:27:00.003Z

Yes Huttonian has been elusive of late. But here he is. Nothing much to say apart from a Happy Xmas to all bloggees. May all your planning applications sink without trace especialy around Hutton Mill. And woe to all fatuous commnts in Chinese.

2009-10-25T11:09:00.004Z

THE TARTAN RACISTS is the headline in today's Scotland on Sunday about the influence of the BNP north of the Border which most SNP politicians seem to regard as an 'English' problem-and with only 29,000 people voting for the BNP in the European Elections they might have some justification for this view. Yet, inevitably, Nick Griffin's performance on Question Time, however buffoon like it appeared to the audience and most viewers will have had an unpleasant effect even around here in the peaceful friendly Borders. I have been aware of a feeling especially for those on a low cost subsidised rental housing waiting lists through housing associations that too much priority is given to 'minorities' and not to local families desperate for accommodation-locally. The points system being weighted against them. Not too many asylum seekers in this neck of the Merse-more likely economic migrants from the poorer EU member states but I wonder if most of them have not actually gone home from recession hit UK but the myth lives on. Its just the shortage of low cost rentals which is the real problem. The feeling is more against 'outsiders' rather than racist.Non-white people not being very visible generally.

Having said that I remember four years ago great excitement over a rumour that a group of Polish Dentists were setting up practice in Duns.

Why?

Said to be women

And very beautiful!

Never happened

2009-10-24T14:50:00.004+01:00

Less Trouble at t'Mill ?

Its encouraging to see that absolutely nothing has happened on the planning application for a new house at Hutton Castle Mill? This you can see from here

http://eplanning1.scotborders.gov.uk/WAM/showCaseFile.do?appType=planning&appNumber=09/00801/OUT

It is very unusual for even a controversial application to have no further correspondence for a couple of months and has not yet been taken by the Planning Committee. One hopes that pressure is being put on the applicant to withdraw it as he did an almost identical one over a year ago.

There's no perceived need and the arguments put forward (see previous posts) are hardly persuasive-here and scroll down

2009-10-23T17:38:00.003+01:00

An airport too far

The story here about an aircraft unwittingly overflying its destination in the US reminds Huttonian of when he was in Dubai a Chinese airliner landed at Sharjah next door instead of Dubai- a much bigger airport but only 12 miles away. Sharjah in our time was never busy but was more so than Ras al Khaimah, another small UAE Sheikhdom up the coast which had about three flights a week. You could arrive at the airport on a Monday afternoon to find the next flight out was on Thursday.

Mind you it had very relaxed airport authority so if you wanted to hang around there was no problem (and no restaurant)

2009-10-23T12:29:00.006+01:00

Festival of Talents

Report in Full
At last the Berwickshire website has caught up with recent events-so can now go here and save yourself 65p on the paper!
Last para is the interesting bit

2009-10-22T11:02:00.001+01:00

Press Stopped

The electronic Berwickshire News is a bit behind the game today but the hard copy carries a very good article on The Festival of Talents. I am sure you can't bear to wait for the website to be updated so pop out and get a copy.

Not page 3

9

2009-10-21T11:11:00.004+01:00

Post(al) Strike?

While Huttonian is a bit poorly and not going out that much it is not too easy to find "green fields and postures new" ( as one rural lady of the late afternoon, short of new clients once said)to blog about. One assumes that there little more interesting to say on the B6341 Black spots or indeed on the Fishwick Bypass. Sleepy old Duns-all very quiet and it is not worth making too much of a new fuss about Litter (very little) and Dog Poo (none)The Festival of Talents-including the launch of Spectres on the Landscape was a huge success and in a Silent Auction the Huttonian Cottage in Norn Iron raised £400 for a week's let!

So we must be patient and anticipate tomorrows Berwickshire News-always some copy there.

Fingers Crossed

2009-10-20T17:19:00.003+01:00

Duns Roving

Say what you like about Duns-and many people do, it is certainly one of the friendliest settlements in the Borders/Southwest Scotland. When we first arrived in Hutton we were told that local people were at their friendliest in the East getting less so-from warm to tepid to downright indifferent as you near Stranraer-and further West than that is hard to do with boarding the Stena HSS.

Duns is like Hutton in the friendliness stakes: little acts of kindness-such as yesterday -I arrived at Nairns at 5-15 pm having forgotten to collect the Grudian at my usual early hour. I timidly tapped on a locked door, was immediately allowed in by one of the owners who then painstakingly unwrapped a large bundle of papers and extracted my Guardian en route to the Knackers Yard.

'What paper usually gets returned the most?' I asked. 'English Daily Mail' he said

'So how many do you order?'

'Used to be lots. But I am now thinking of reducing it to
one!'

So what do the English expats read here I wonder.

Research required.

Me, I am banking on the Sun. English edition. Although I suspect Page 3 is the same

2009-10-19T18:40:00.001+01:00

Tour de Farce?

Rhoda Hogg has been on patrol and reports as follows :

that there are outbreaks of cyclists of the even-sillier-than-the-lycra-and-a-tin-hat-that-looks-like-half-a-hard-boiled-egg variety along the B6461. They are hard to see in mist and failing light, being given to wearing a camouflage of dun colours, do not wear protective helmets and appear to be unaware of the concept of single file. You have been warned.

It is Dun not DUNS btw

2009-10-18T10:58:00.002+01:00

Mc Mansions Revisited, Again

My post of 12 October (scroll down) has unusually (for this part of the blogosphere) elicited a lot of comment including, I suspect, highly irritated farmer/developers

The fact is however desirable it might be for such people to make money if they can't with farming, to , at least, do the decent thing, and not inflict such monstrosities on the Berwickshire landscape. The planning regulations call for new buildings to meet the criterion of 'a sense of place'

What place? The Borders?

Disney Land?

You be the judge

2009-10-16T19:49:00.003+01:00

Duns Got Talent

Sorry I should have blogged this before. Too late for Gardeners' Question Time but....

Diverse range of talent on show at Christ Church in Duns
Joseph and His Amazing Technicoloured Dreamcoat is highlight

THERE'S a chance to see the diverse range of talent Duns has to offer at an event later this month.
Christ Church, Duns will be the venue for a five day 'Festival of Talent' from Friday, October 16, to Wednesday, October 21, in aid of the Scottish Society for Autism and Christ Church Fabric Fund. Things get going on the Friday at 6pm with an Open Viewing of exhibitions, including paintings, woodturning and jewellery, accompanied by drinks and nibbles.

A ticketed 'Gardener's Question Time' follows at 7pm with a panel of local experts comprising of Jim Jermyn, show manager of Gardening Scotland and proprietor of the world famous Edrom Nurseries for over 20 years; Alec West, who built his own house in the walled garden at Antons Hill; Patsy Blacklock, whose gardens at Maxton are open under Scotlands Garden Scheme and Andrew Simmons, Head Gardener at Floors Castle. Sitting in the chair for the session will be Patrick Scott, Director of Scotland's Garden Schemes.

Youngsters will get to display their artistic talents with some Children's Activities from 2-4pm on Saturday before the day's highlight, a production of 'Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat'.

The cast will take to the stage in the church on Saturday at 7.30pm to belt out the likes of 'Any Dream Will Do', 'Jacob and Sons' and 'Close Every Door' amongst others.

The show is a ticketed event preceded at 6.30pm by drinks and nibbles. The Duns Inter Church Praise Group (and others) have been rehearsing hard for weeks and this performance is not to be missed!

Moving onto Sunday and The Right Reverend Brian Smith, Bishop of Edinburgh will be joining a special Praise Service at 10am to which all are invited and on Sunday afternoon at if you don't get to see it on Saturday, there will be a matinee performance of 'Joseph' at 3pm.

Brass band enthusiasts and poetry lovers will be entertained on Sunday evening with 'The Brass on Tweed Ensemble' and readings of some of the poems which have been submitted by local writers ( both children and adults) to form 'Spectres on the Landscape', a Berwickshire Poetry Anthology.

The book will be launched at this event at a special introductory price for that evening only. Tickets for the concert, which starts at 7pm, are available from Huttonian

At the end of the concert, drinks and nibbles will be available and winning bidders of a Silent Auction will be announced.

Lots up for grabs include holidays in Ireland; Perthshire and Berwickshire; three nights in London; a fishing trip and dinner at a local restaurant. You can even win the chance to have your house cleaned or your garden tidied up!

To find out more about the lots and how to make a bid, contact Marlene Young, Manderston Stables, Marlene is also the contact for tickets for 'Gardener's Question Time' and the 'Joseph' productions. Tickets for these events, which are sure to go fast, are also on sale at Nairn's Newsagents, Duns.

The church will be open from 10am daily and on the Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday as well as the exhibition, there will be music and live organ recitals.

2009-10-16T11:20:00.002+01:00

Litter Letter

The self appointed anti litter Czar from down town Duns has now replied to the letters defending the lunch time munching students from the High School as published last week-see previous posts

SIR, - I write further to your correspondence in the Letters to the Editor page of the Berwickshire News. I have replied jointly as I wish to make sure that you all get the same answers from me.
Firstly, I wish to thank you for taking the trouble to respond to my letter in such a clear and detailed manner. It would seem that I have been adjudged unfair where I seemingly accused all students. That was never my intention; your disappointment may have arisen from my loose drafting or your finding something that was not in my mind when I wrote my letter.
I think that if my interpretation is accepted, there is little need to go very much further into the points you all make. Living so close to the Square, I see many BHS students in uniform as well as others in out of school dress.
My impression is that there is not an abundance of things to do for the young people of Duns but the young people I see are well behaved and courteous.
I would be proud to have a child of mine attend the school.
I was on the point of getting back to the editor of The Berwickshire News when today's (October 8) paper arrived. Since I wrote there has been a very noticeable improvement in the matter of lunchtime litter and it was pleasing to see that my remarks had been recognised and corrective action taken. Thank you for this.
Mr Christie kindly invited me to visit. I am in the first day of flu which keeps me quarantined for a week or so. I would repeat that I have no doubts as to how the majority of students behave and the improvement by the minority convinces me that corrective action has been taken.
In these circumstances, I will decline his offer and let you all get on with the business of teaching and learning without some old fogey taking up valuable time.
Best regards to you all

He seems to feel that his original letter has made some difference.

He may well be right

2009-10-15T11:39:00.003+01:00

Berwickshire Poets Rise to the Challenge

is a headline on page 4 of the hard copy Berwickshire News-not yet on line-about the Berwickshire Poetry Anthology due to be launched this coming Sunday as previously posted. The article says it all really

The title poem illustrates the image above

Copies are going quite fast

So hurry

2009-10-14T14:33:00.002+01:00

Under the Blether

Huttonian is very much under the weather at the moment. To put it mildly, So blogging may be a bit spasmodic.

So as the topless dancer said to her colleague;

Bare with me for the moment

2009-10-13T10:33:00.006+01:00

Thin Band Anyone?

A bloggee writes:
So much for the 21st century. Yet another ISP has told me the local exchange is too slow to offer broadband, so that only leaves……BT, unless my neighbour-in-the-know tells me otherwise when he rings back.. They appear to be coining it throughout rural Britain. Grrrrrr. A friend who lives a couple of miles from the exchange went onto BT broadband and they stopped charging her for it because it was so slow. However, SBC planners are having more and more tacky little hoosies built round here without the telephone infrastructure to support it. We HAVE tried to tell them but…… What can one do without losing the plot altogether and contacting the ISP?

This is all in the context about encouraging everyone to get onto broadband which is apparently "99% available" But I wonder how many of the Borderers really want to use the Internet-Broadband or no-and we get 6mobs in Duns. Hutton enjoys about 1MB which is workable for most practical purposes except you might have trouble in downloading say, 'Priscilla, Queen of the Raving, Trans Gender Fairies*'- in your life time anyhow.

Some electrician working on a problem in the Small House in Duns remarked 'Wow-Good to see someone of your age going on line' I nearly changed the wretched fuse myself, after that crack (actually intended as a genuine compliment)-but the fact is that Silver Surfers are not a common breed in these 'ere parts except perhaps amongst the Gerdian Readers.

And they are not a common breed either

And it has to be said-re the bloggee's comments that most exchanges have been upgraded in recent years. When we first moved to Hutton the Chirnside Exchange was so primitive it did not allow you to use 1471 to check on the last caller. One Pensioner was however unfazed by this -'If I missed a call and it is important for the caller to talk to me-he will ring again' The same down to earth attitude as the lady from Ayton who was asked to identify her self in the Bank of Scotland Branch;
She pulled out her pocket her handbag mirror; looked into it and said:

'That's me alright'

(* Unlikely to be available in a cimema near you)

2009-10-12T11:48:00.003+01:00

McMansions are back

So much for the recession which I had hoped would protect the Merse from further assaults on public taste.

Alas. Look at this

And there are to be two of them!

Come back "Ozymandias"

'Sense of place' is an important planning criterion.

In Egypt's sandy silence, all alone,
Stands a gigantic Leg, which far off throws
The only shadow that the Desert knows:
"I am great OZYMANDIAS," saith the stone,
"The King of Kings; this mighty City shows
"The wonders of my hand." The City's gone,
Nought but the Leg remaining to disclose
The site of this forgotten Babylon.
We wonder, and some Hunter may express
Wonder like ours, when thro' the wilderness
Where London stood, holding the Wolf in Chase,
He meets some fragments huge, and stops to guess
What powerful but unrecorded race
Once dwelt in that annihilated place.

Fast forward a few centuries.

To a post global warming world

Fishwick-an archaeologist's treasure chest

for 'gigantic leg'

read

'inappropriate pillar'

2009-10-11T09:06:00.007+01:00

Litterbug? Moi?
Accusations of students from Berwickshire High School in Duns littering Market Square with their lunch time foraging expeditions to the fast food fleshpots-a letter in last week's Bewickshire (as duly blogged below) has elicited two pained responses in this week's letter column-see here-one from some of the students and the other from the Depute (ugh) Rector

Huttonian has no strong views on this-Duns seems remarkably free of this scourge but I did happen to be behind a group of 15 year old or so girls last week who were loudly expressing their irritation at the original letter.The most vocal of all complaining bitterly about crumblies who had nothing better to so than slag off well behaved youngsters illustrated her point to perfection by a flicking an empty crisp packet in the general direction of a bin-some body's let out for collection-missing it by about 6 feet and cackling 'Let the old nuisance come and tidy that up then'

So much for the Social Education programme?

But then we are talking about a tiny minority.
As we always do.

No such problem when we had the school in Hutton.

Down town foraging at lunch time completely unknown.

No Forage

(In all of Flickr there is no image of the BerwickshireHigh School-so here is the Pipe Band)

2009-10-09T15:47:00.005+01:00

On the Wagon

As you might imagine the top story in this week's Berwickshire News which you can read here is about the Great Pipe Burst and the 5000 households without water for, in some cases, up to 10 hours. Does not quite rank with recent natural disasters in the Far East and other foreign parts or an average afternoon in Bangladesh but quite a little stirrer by local standards

Perhaps I am a bit unreasonable in finding this section from the article from our MSP, John Soundbite Photo Opportunity Lamont a trifle irritating:

The MSP for Roxburgh and Berwickshire, John Lamont, whose family were affected by the burst, is calling for those who were affected to be duly compensated.

Speaking to The Berwickshire News on Tuesday, he said: "This fault has been a major inconvenience to thousands of Berwickshire residents and I am pleased that the water supply has now been restored.

"I know the affected area well as it is next to my parents' farm and I have been contacted by a number of local residents who were concerned about the situation."

John added: "Scottish Water have a responsibility to maintain their system and I think they should consider whether compensation would be appropriate for people who have either sustained damage to their property or have been inconvenienced by this problem."

Am I alone in this? Is his pleasure to note that the water supply has been restored the faintest of hints that he might have been somehow responsible for this happy outcome? Or am I being a bit paranoiac? But I do find his call for compensation a bit crass-he is never far behind a potentially popular band wagon and likely to climb on a few more as the election approaches. I would doff my cap to him if he had the grace to congratulate Scottish Water on handling a major event with speed and efficiency. Burst at 7am-back on (for most people) at 4pm is a pretty impressive piece of work.

Off the band wagon and on to the water truck. Come on John, you can do it.

Scottish Water employees are voters as well

And if there is to be compensation for inconvenience, how much for a futile visit to the Coop in search of bottled water and not being able to turn our washing machine on for half a day? That's Third World for you

2009-10-08T18:51:00.003+01:00

Extracting your Digital

A bloggee writes:

BBorderers across the region were bombarded with instructions to retune their digital tellies on Sep 30th. A whole host of strange new channels have appeared including a couple of the starting at 2 a.m. variety (unwholesome, one suspects). However, one wee gem now keeps me rivet ted from 6p.m. onwards. Along with certain luxury hotels in Serbia , Bosnia and the Czech Republic ,we lucky Borderers can now receive Russia Today. There are fascinating news reports which can take our minds off Gordon Brown and dodgy water supplies. So far tonight we have had a report from Riga which is predicting that the economic downturn is set to continue. The price index which they have found to be the most accurate predictor of economic swings is reflected in sex workers’ charges. Brings a whole new emphasis to it’s tough out there on the streets, eh? Budget airlines might be advertising flights to Riga with: a spanking good time - and now even cheaper……..

There are a lot of good feature programmes about social issues and cultural minorities so I’m just back to watch the box and I’ll be spared Masterchef with the vampire man and the bald bondage freak.

On the dodgy water supplies the same writer is not too impressed with the advice issued by Scottish Water

The water is now a very pale straw sort of colour. Nobody from the water lot contacted us, not even when we reported the sewer appearance stage. However, many Facebook contacts have been circulated with last night’s ridiculous instructions. They also recommended that only the kitchen cold tap be run so that the yucky stuff didn’t spread across the house. I said I was buggered if I was going to run buckets of water to flush the loo. I think Civil Defence was rather better prepared against nuclear war with its whitewash and brown paper remedies. Curiously, the first person I rung said the fractured pipe diameter was 8” but other sources have it as 18” – obviously resolutely unprepared for decimalisation, then.

I think Duns has escaped the worst. And none of that advice reached us. The effable Mr Lamont has now climbed onto the water wagon. Of which more anon

2009-10-07T19:33:00.003+01:00

Take me to the Kittens

DON'T BLAME THE OWNERS-THE DOG-FOR THE ATTACK

Is the heading of this letter to the Berwick Advertiser

SIR,-I wrote to your paper last November after enjoying a short holiday in Berwick. I have maintained an interest in all things Berwick via your excellent website.
After my visit, my letter lamented the proliferation of dog excrement in the town.
It was, frankly, in abundance to the extent that I wondered whether the local council wasn't intentionally trying to deter visitors!
Not the first time a council would have ‘messed’ things up for the local community it is meant to be serving!
However, I am not writing today about canine poo and, believe it or not, I am a dog lover!
Instead, I was upset to read about the attack on the kitten in Oliver Road, Wooler, by some massive Great Dane.
I was, frankly, appalled by the reaction of some mindless locals and the abuse the poor dog’s owners have had to put up with.
I would urge all Berwickers to remember that dogs will be dogs, and that cats (particularly small ones) are the natural enemies - and foodstuffs - of dogs.
Also, one must not forget that cats can be incredibly provocative - was this particular animal perhaps 'spoiling' for a fight?
We will never know, but there should be a period of calm and reflection now.
The owners should not be blamed, and nor should the dog. And our hearts should go out to the owners of the now dead cat.

A Kitten Spoiling for a fight?

So it should be blamed?

We don't have many provocative kittens in Berwickshire as far as I know. Me, I would prefer any that are around to incontinent dogs-Great Danes can be particularily prolific when they go

All this reminds me of an over zealous copper nicking a pedestrian for
'Breathing through his nose in a provocative manner'

2009-10-07T15:36:00.006+01:00

Spectres on the Landscape
Bloggees are asking where they can get a copy of this new poetry anthology without having to wait for the launch on Sunday week in Duns

A limited supply is available in Nairns-but they are going.

So hurry.

A guy in Nairns picked up a copy as I was getting my Gerdian.

'Berwickshire Poetry'!
'
How very oxymoronic! He smirked

I hesitate to label him an Oxy Moron-last two syllables could apply here

2009-10-06T16:35:00.003+01:00

No he don't live here any more

Despite having signed up to the Telephone Preference Service we still get the odd cold call at the Small House in Duns. Not so much the eager double glazing establishment, random calling, who just happens to be having a special promotion in TD11 this week but the guy who knows who he wants to talk to, by name. In this case Mr Robinson the previous owner

Ring Ring. Long hollow silence "Hullo Am I speaking to Mr Robinson" "No. He left nearly two years ago" " Are you the new owner?"Note no attempt to find out where he is now-such fickle friends the Robinsons must have had. "No. We have had this house two years" "Ah.(sub text you'll do nicely)and into the pitch. Phone down at this point is the obvious end game but an irritation none the same.

I once tried to put Menace of Mumbai off his stride 'Hullo. I would like to speak to Mr Robinson'
"He's dead"

"Well I'll have a word with his good lady"

(Over my dead body)

2009-10-05T11:31:00.004+01:00

ITS MONDAY. ROAD AND WATER CHAOS HORROR

Our motoring correspondent Rhoda Hogg writes:

The stretch of the B6437 S. of the junction with the B6461. During the road works there was a portaloo at each end of this section of road. However, the one at the southern end seemed to disappear at night – where to we know not. The road was closed for “resurfacing”. It now no longer has a white line down the middle but a white line near each edge of the road, thus seeming to narrow it and also to terrify anyone with a small car when there is an agrivehicle coming the other way. The ruts at the crumbling edges have been filled in with what looks like earth. Any agricultural driver trying not to leave wheel marks on the roof of a Ka or similar small car is requested not to churn up these edges with his nasty, heavy vehicle. The odd mark down the former middle of the road is still there. Nobody seems to know why all that loose grit was spread along the road the last time it was closed a few weeks ago, but there ain’t any more. Residents of nearby cottages have been inconvenienced greatly by their overflow car park having been squatted in for some time (and without warning) by large SBC road works vehicles. Has the area been turned into an SBC plant park? While the monsters are there they are not out busily mending our crumbling roads. SBC and communication, eh?

Across the water there are further hazards awaiting the unwary visitor to Norham. Northumbrian Water have some sort of strange road digging operation going on which requires a traffic light system. During the day this is complicated further by large vehicles not looking where they are going. The red light sign at the bridge end of the works is too flimsy to stand up for long and the bizarre position of the red light to which it pertains has caused many an eek moment. Every night village the temporary barriers collapse into the trench they are allegedly guarding but nobody has worked out who or what is doing this. And we thought SBC were dire…….

And if road problems re not enough how about this ?:

For Immediate Release

Engineers Battle to Reconnect Duns

Scottish Water engineers are currently assessing the damage following a burst to the 18 inch outlet main from the Dunslaw Service Reservoir.

In order to investigate the damaged main and begin repair work it has been necessary to shut off the water supply to a number of local communities. In order to reduce morning disruption this shut down was left to as late as was possible.

Customers in Duns have been first to be affected, however customers in or near the surrounding areas of Greenlaw, Swinton, Hutton, Paxton, Whitsome, Chirnside and Foulden could also be affected during the course of the day.

Craig Lawson, Scottish Water’s Regional Manager for the Borders said:

“Our engineers are doing everything possible to complete this repair as quickly as they can. The burst 18 inch iron main is affecting more than 4,900 properties and it’s important that we reduce disruption as much as possible. We would like to take this opportunity to apologise for any inconvenience this may be causing.”

We will continue to keep the local community informed as we assess the damage to the main and begin repairs.

Scottish Water would ask customers able to preserve drinking water supplies to do so at this time.

You can follow the drip by drip crisis here

In the meanwhile the Coop in Duns has run out of bottled water!

Which gives the lie to the old Two Ronnies news item:

News of Panic Buying in Scotland THERE ISN'T ANY

PS Go here to see Scotland's most popular blog

2009-10-04T11:46:00.008+01:00

New Balls Please

Well done Greenlaw Tennis players to get the old court up and running after years of neglect-as you can read here This is great progress since Huttonian reported in November last year;

Bomb stopped tennis. You CAN'T BE SERIOUS

The heart stopping news in the Berwickshire-see here is about the discovery of an unexploded Second World War German shell/bomb on the old tennis court at Greenlaw which is being restored to Fred Perry standards (and may not have been played on since his time). Greenlaw apparently saw enemy action in the war where allied Poles may have been the intended targets; rather unsporting to bomb them during tennis match, one would have thought. Alternatively the bombers may have been after Voytek the iconic Polish dancing, fighting, drinking Bear which single handed saw off six Panzer divisions in the Italian campaign. It is not previously recorded that this multi tasking animal ever played tennis but I suppose it may have carrying the drinks around when the Germans pounced.

I have tracked down the original story in the Berwickshire here

We hope that is the end of enemy action against our peaceful county and we also hope in this context that the local fuzz have learned from their foolishness of a few years back when a speed cop, aimed his 'hairdryer' speed camera at a low flying RAF jet. The fighter's missiles apparently immediately locked on to 'hostile radar'-a technique used in Iraq but realising he was over North Berwick and not Basra
no air to ground rocket was fired-good news for East Lothian's finest.The Police had the nerve to complain to the RAF authorities and were rewarded with this :

"Sir, Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this
incident.
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had
automatically locked on to your ‘hostile radar equipment’ and sent a jamming signal
back to it.
Furthermore, the Sidewinder Air-to-Ground missiles aboard the fully-armed aircraft
had also locked on to the target. Fortunately the Dutch pilot flying the Tornado
responded to the missile status alert intelligently and was able to override the
automatic protection system before the missiles were launched".
The reply concluded “BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ARE POINTING THINGS AT IN
FUTURE!!!"

Amen

2009-10-03T09:49:00.006+01:00

Granny, Going. Going, Gone

The Huttonian extended family has been amused by this item here coinciding as it does with the senior granddaughter- another Zoe-6th Birthday.

I am sure she would never wish to sell her granny on E-bay or anywhere else-finds her much too useful as a personal couturier but the thought may have crossed her mind during a melt down or two when her granny has not altogether shared her point of view. She would me much more likely to put up her younger sister whom I am sure she could also describe as "annoying" but "cuddly"

I did not see the entry in question. Cost of carriage would have been a hefty addition. And how to you describe condition:

'Second Hand' is somewhat off putting?

"Used"?

Worse

(What on earth is this to do with the Merse? Blog Ed)

2009-10-02T16:53:00.004+01:00

Wrong Sort of Litter

To the usual issues beloved of the letter writers to the Berwickshire News add that of Litter
SIR, - I live just off the town square in Duns.
Every week day lunchtime, students from the High School gather there to eat carry out meals.
They throw the packaging and then the food trays onto the pavements and return to school.
A Scottish Borders Council workman is then employed to go round and gather up all the rubbish the children have deposited.
This work is undertaken from the Square out to the school.
Apart from littering being an offence, the situation shows a sad lack of community spirit from tomorrow’s citizens and is something they will doubtless carry on into adulthood.
It should be possible to replace the council worker who cleans up after the young with a police officer and a book of penalty tickets.
Also, does the school include social responsibility in its teaching?
If not, they should consider it. If it is a subject, it needs revisiting.

He should know I suppose-its not something that's impinged on my consciousness especially after visits to N13 and most other big towns.

Improving school meals might be one answer?

Not,I think issuing offenders with tickets.

What might they do with them?

Yes, that's right

(There are 170,000 images for Litter on Flickr. Enjoy)

2009-10-01T13:18:00.004+01:00

The Force be with you

Berwickshire is one of the safest places to live according to the local fuzz. (Hard copy Berwickshire News page 4-not yet on line)Only 71 reported crimes in the last month and 80% solved Acting Sergeant Dishington told the Berwickshire Area Committee. Crime, such as it is, (and you can get a summary here is mostly of the yobbish variety. One police 'initiative' has to do with the dreaded boy racers with 90 young drivers given a course on road safety-in Duns, naturally, and remarkably enough only one ASBO has been issued-it may have been of course that some of the offending drivers were just too fast for the local police drivers. Judging over by the still appalling standard of driving by youngsters in souped up and noisy cars the message has yet to get home.

One solution by the Hutton Think Tank (Outside the box section) is to have role model drivers for these young tearaways. Hence the proposal for a new Duns Festival-Dreivers Week instead of Reivers Week. A Dreiver, A Dreiver's Lass, A Left Hand dreive Man, Right Hand Dreive etc. Young upstanding people with clean licences and in respectable eco friendly electric cars would drive around carefully performing their public functions and give their horses a week off

Supporters of this idea are asked to double park out the Jim Clarke Rooms in Newtown Street and honk your horns for upward of five minutes.

If the Police ask you to move on.

Do so, but carefully

2009-09-30T11:25:00.003+01:00

Wrong sort of Chocolates on Line?

Huttonian does not usually do links to you-tube but this recently discovered neo-Nazi documentary (Thank you Fritz Goebbels (-your grandfather may have had some redeeming features you say?) is worth sharing with bloggees. I am told there is another fascinating piece floating around the ether-Benito Mussolini and his gang discussing the possible re-opening of Reston Station but only on the condition that East Coast National Express is taken over by a Swiss/Italian Consortium. Quote from BM : I Britannici sanguinanti non hanno idea su come fare i loro treni funzionare in tempo" *

This is a sore point with me. I was once the subject of an official complaint by the Swiss Government over a remark I had made to the Swiss Charge'd'Affaires in Kuwait when I was a very junior member of the British Embassy there in 1975. This guy had bent my ear banging on about how dismal the UK was-strikes, inflation, high unemployment, trade unions, under performing public services,low standard of living-after he had finished I remarked that there were more important things in life than getting your chocolates to run on time. He stormed off shouting about lack of respect for senior colleagues and friendly countries. Later he formally complained to my Ambassador for such impertinence and a few months later a puzzled British Ambassador in Berne was summoned by the Swiss Ministry of Foreign Affairs to receive a formal protest about my behaviour. Fortunately our highheidyins unlike the Swiss had a sense of humour and I doubt if my promotion prospects were too damaged!

(* The Bloody British have no idea on how to make their trains run on time)

2009-09-29T12:09:00.006+01:00

Rain in Duns. Noah on standby?

Only one topic of conversation at Nairns this morning: Rain. I would not have expected such a feature of the Duns weather- scape to arouse so much comment but we have had the longest period of aridity that I have experienced in what is usually a very wet place-the one significance difference from rain starved (if dreich soaked) Hutton. So having had 76mm on the 3rd and 4th of September it has been dry since until last night.
Hence the stir amongst the early paper buyers this morning.

Actually rain may be a bit of a misnomer. Drizzle really and our weather gauge barely registers 1mm but the garden gleams in the damp and the just ripening tomatoes are looking perky. But in Greenlaw, a mere 8 miles away, and our nearest weather station -see here the statistics claim no precipitation whats so ever-yet you can clearly (well, rather murky with condensation) see via the live web cam here that if it is not exactly hissing down it is pretty damp.

I wonder if the Greenlaw meteorologists are of the Mr Fish school of forecasting-more interested in what they think may happen and not diverted by the actuality, of what is. It is therefore interesting that the web cam site carries an ad for 'An Evening of Clairvoyance' next month-is this our experts night job? Commercial forecasting sites seem to me to lose some of their professional credibility when they are dependent on sponsorship from such quarters-but, of course, it may add to their accuracy.

That is not much of a challenge

By the BBC Blether Centre's usual standards at any rate.

2009-09-28T17:49:00.003+01:00

Pondage

One caller asked if this was a bird hide-another:work in progress on a (military style -not Duns Golf Course) bunker?

Well, actually it is a pond. A very small one, covered up until we can get the right kind of water. We miss our rather larger pond at the Old Manse which was quite a selling point. One potential buyer, a couple from down south, who had sneered their way around the building not finding it up the standards of their neo -Jacobean Mansion in Hertfordshire ( 'Yes we have working shutters' 'And the original servants' bells'' Yes.We live next to an Abbey, actually) looking disparagingly at the Kirk and the graveyard and were surprisingly, seemingly impressed by our very natural and rather overgrown and (almost) kidney shaped concoction. 'Oh' said the female:'That's nice. We also have a pond' 'Well' said the male ' Ours is really a lake' 'Yes, echoed Mrs Distaff ' We have a boat on it'

But they didn't make an offer despite us having a green floating polystyrene frog refuge containing about 6 frogs at any one time which do not, apparently, feature in Herts.

And I hope you will notice the latest just got* (last years must have) in the garden of the small house in Duns. A dry stone wall for the wife's terracing arrangements to show off next years weeds, sorry, shrubs, flowers etc.A local stone waller (dyker in some places) put it together for us and its good to know that these old skills are still around in Berwickshire.

* There was a wall there before but totally destroyed by Builder's scaffolding aided and abetted by small scrambling grandchildren feet.

2009-09-27T15:56:00.003+01:00

Taking a Butchers. Might be a vote in it
Is it just Huttonian who is getting a bit fed up with seeing our Tory MSP all over the place? Energetic is one thing but omnipresent is something else. Has the man nothing better to do than to be visible where ever you dare to look-I bet there are many editions of the Berwickshire which carry half a dozen pictures of the guy. Take the one above-opening of a butchers shop in Duns, or to be more accurate reopening of an existing business under new ownership. Did the Tories bring this about? Was it a Lamont initiative? What is it to do with him?

I suppose the Tribunes of the People feel they have to keep themselves in the public eye. If its not a soundbite (And I don't think I have ever heard him speak) it has to be a Photo Op. And all on top of his weekly self congratulatory column in the Berwickshire.

Give it a rest John. Wait until the election for goodness sake. And please stop sending me volumes of party political bumph.( I suspect at my expense)

Admittedly make better stove lighters than the Guardian. But Mr L I am not going to read it so cross me off your list.

Please

2009-09-26T10:55:00.005+01:00

(Dog) CRAP TOWNS REVISITED

Huttonian is loathe to return to this distasteful(npi) topic but it is No 1 worry in the community (dis)satisfaction survey recently published by the Scottish Borders Council and every time I go to Spitall-Northumberland's most depressing seaside holiday destination-known to many as The Last Resort-I think of Dog Poo.

Ostensibly the City Fathers are doing some thing about it-hence the rather fierce warnings but to what effect? Has anyone been fined a thousand quid? I doubt it. Spitall is where dog owners go before they die and they are thick on the ground. And it is not just one man one dog; its lots of dogs per person. Yesterday I saw a guy with four dogs on four leads; between his fingers on one hand as well as two leads he was clutching a small transparent plastic bag. One smoldering turd, fast asleep, lay within it. Good man. But how did it get there? Put there before he left home to show willing, one suspects. There was no way he could hold onto all his curs and scoop up an offering to bag it-and sure enough as we followed his progress there was evidence of fresh droppings; reminiscent of marking the elephants progress in New York every 17 March but the St Patrick's Day Parade Marshalls had armies of clean up Crap Collectors, with scoops to follow the parade and do the needful.

Verb Sap: the only safe place to walk in Spitall without having to dance the Northumberland Two Step: Do Do, Do Do, Do is on the beach. close to the sea, at low tide.

On a Monday Morning.

2AM

2009-09-25T12:18:00.006+01:00

A pint of Haggis and a couple of Fags. Mate

A kind (English) friend has just sent me this story from the BBC here (so it must be true) giving the origins of Haggis as an English dish and only taken up by Burns and Co after the English had dropped it from the national menu for, I am sure, very good reasons. Not everyone seems convinced and indeed Mr Patrick, the 'Champion Scottish Haggis Maker' says with some indignation :

" the idea haggis originated in England was akin to claims by the Dutch and Chinese to have invented golf"

He added: "Anything that's to do with Scotland, everybody wants to get a part of"
(One can think of some exceptions, but let it go. Nor do I want to get into another controversy (well I do, but later) about the English inventing baseball which now seems to be an open and shut case as you can read here)

If true it might solve one historical conundrum. Why did Burns make his famous visit to England from Coldstream and then return never to go again? Who did he meet during his brief stay. (Cornhill Scotland's favourite very short stay destination?) We may never know whom he met but we do know now what he brought back with him

The recipe for Haggis

Isn't wonderful how now and again all the pieces fit together!

2009-09-25T10:39:00.005+01:00

Berwickshire Books:we have em

Its good to see from reading here that the Border's most distinguished blogger is in the news in a positive way (not like Huttonian in the Mail in Sunday you might say)Richard Havers is certainly a prolific author and I doubt if you will come across many people who can produce books on such diverse subjects as the Second World War (this is his second) the Rolling Stones, the delights of flying (In Flight Confidential)Frank Sinatra and Marylin Monroe. Some indication of his prolific output is here

On a more modest level details of the Berwickshire Poetry Anthology : Spectres on the Landscape are with the ace reporter on the Berwickshire so we live in hopes of some publicity before the
the official launch on 18 October

2009-09-24T10:41:00.002+01:00

Royal County Down
Originally uploaded by erase

Thank you Erase for this image of the Royal County Down(PBUI) And not an aerial shot in the usual sense but taken, on terra firma from high up on the Mournes. For a temporarily (one hopes) incapacitated Huttonian this is is a sight to salivate over all the way from Duns. If you can click on the largest size you can see four players striding up the tenth fairway chatting happily perhaps blissfully unaware of the huge drive over the sand dune that faces them at the 11th (just over right hand portion of the clubhouse-clubhouse I said, not the Slieve Donard Hotel in the foreground) Most of both courses is covered by this photograph and my feet itch as I look at it

How does Newcastle compare with Duns(MPBUI)Well the RCD regularly features in the top three courses in the world. Duns in the top ten in the Borders.

Does that answer your question?

And where does Duns score over Newcastle?

The absence of bloody caravans-see at top of picture.

Come friendly bombs etc

2009-09-23T14:39:00.005+01:00

Send not out to ask for whom the bell tolls. You won't be told.
Was the thought that occurred to me last night when we were looking for the Bank of Scotland Building in the 'First Toon in Scotland'

Coldstream is a lang toon-basically a main street with alleys off it and although the BoS is a prominent building the street lights are so dim that the wife and I missed it completely. Being in a hurry-we were late for an appointment, I lowered the car window and asked a respectable looking gent 'Excuse me Sir..?' He scurried on' head down. I tried again but he accelerated, reached his front door, ignored a third appeal when inserting his key and disappeared inside. 'Knock on the door' said the wife. I did; no response and the light in the hall went off.

Irritating. Coldstream did have a reputation in Burns time of being unfriendly, perhaps that is why he was so determined to cross the bridge to England. HV Morton in one of his travel books about Scotland had a disagreeable encounter in a Coldstream pub-he was obviously English and he was not buying a round-two black marks apparently and not necessarily in order of importance.

Mind you I have always found 'streamers friendly enough so I am not sure what was it with this guy. Desperate for the Loo? Stone Deaf? Scared? (Do I look like a mugger he asks rhetorically) Anxious not to miss East Enders?

I doubt if we will ever know. I have the house number. So perhaps next time any of you plan a visit there, doubtful about directions and care to ask me, I can save you sometime by letting you know what door to leave unknocked.

Just a thought

Why not ask someone else I hear you cry?

8-30pm, Tuesday, Coldstream. Marie Celeste syndrome, you might call it.

(And you will no longer run into this famous 'streamer-Lord Home of the Hirsel, once my boss)

2009-09-22T11:26:00.003+01:00

GOING TO THE DOGS

As the Berwickshire feverishly searches for new 'Issues' to titivate its readership it has now found one that is sure to attract a large yes vote.

So far so good:

Should stronger action be taken to control dog fouling in public places?
Yes [100%]
No [0%]
Don't Know [0%]

Of course not many people will read the real question which is about 'stronger action' as the gut feeling is that dog fouling is so. er, foul something must be done perhaps ignoring that there are quite a raft of measures already in place-hefty fines, dog wardens, much publicity and a general public attitude of intolerance towards incontinent dogs. Although very few Borderers will actually risk confrontation by tackling an offending dog owner direct. Go home muttering and write to the Berwickshire, yes, tell the big burly man walking his whippet to bag the filth, no.

And what is stronger action?

The question needs to be rephrased
"Do you support persistently offending dog owners being put up against a tree or lamppost and shot? "

A bit harsh in this day and age and unlikely to attract more than a 60% yes vote

Think out side the box. Or sand tray. Its the dogs who crap, not the owners. Shift the onus. Bring back the licensing of dogs (Give underused rural post offices some thing to do) and no cur would be allowed in a public place unless certified Eco Friendly. If a dog can be taught to come to heel, sit, round up sheep, beg,, die for daddy,get the paper, nick golf balls it surely can be taught not to crap outside its own premises.

So if dog poo continues to be a problem once the necessary legislation and certification then you know who you are looking for.
The Dog.

Remove 'owners' from the above rephrased issue.

You would get as big a yes vote as reopening Reston Station got a no And the Berwickshire could move on to (clean) pastures fresh and issues new

2009-09-21T14:11:00.004+01:00

Fast and Lewes

Oxymorons of our time: John Lewes Customer Service -as per this helpful hint

"Due to the Data Protection Act I am unable to discuss any information relating to this order with you.

Please ask the person who placed the order to contact us and we will be more than happy to discuss this matter with them. This may be done by email, or by calling 08456 049 049.

If I can be of any further assistance, please do not hesitate to get in touch. Alternatively, you can contact my colleagues by telephone on the number below.

Yours sincerely,

"Mr Help" Himself

If Customer Disservice had bothered to read my e-mail before pressing the piss off button they would have learned that Yes, it was the wife who placed the order for a Toshiba Netbook, Yes, it was a Christmas present to me, Yes, I had been the sole user and yes it had crashed whilst I was using it and Yes I would like something done about it. After all it is mine.
So I re-sent the message in the wife's name and guess what got a reply-not exactly helpful but a reply, to the effect that although the note book was still under John Lewes guarantee, that mattered not a whit. It was Toshiba rubbish and under a Toshiba manufacturing Rubbish guarantee, so nothing to do with us mate. Contact Toshiba Rubbish Customer Service, here is a number that you can get through on if you have the patience of a saint. They will sort you out. Or not.

In other words Piss Off. But substantially and thoughtfully not merely instinctively

No wonder John Lewes is never knowingly undersold.
They never know

(Anyone would like to sample John Lewes Help! (or are you beyond it?) Service please feel free to call the number above)

2009-09-20T17:06:00.006+01:00

Who Has Been Eating My Borrage?

For reasons too boring to rant about, Huttonian has postponed his trip to the Six Counties and returned to familiar pastures.

But only after going more than half way to stay the night with a fellow blogger in remote Dumfrieshire. As the wife and I were about to get into the car to be guided home by Sean, the smooth tongued Tom Tom, our hostess said, looking down, 'watch out for the Borrage'. Not wishing to damage an important ingredient for Pimms No 1, I did. But it was just a question of another organ operating below par. Porridge not Borrage. The remains of Breakfast scraped off plates, scattered on the drive, destined strictly for the birds.

Left over porridge! Indeed a rare phenomenon in Scotland, if perhaps not in Dumfries and Galloway where there are a large number of English incomers. Unfinished Porridge would,in a Scottish household, be finished. Waste not, want not etc. I recall a survey carried out by an independent organisation some years ago about what Scots did with old razor blades. 500 people from across the country were polled. The result:

100 % replied that

they shaved with them

(the image is the best I could do on Flickr-if you click to enlarge you will see that the colour and consistency is a trifle suspect-Macroni Cheese look a like- but the brown sugar is genuine enough)

2009-09-19T10:48:00.003+01:00

Westward Look The First Tee is clear

The blog is westward bound today- a night in deepest Dumfrieshire, a transit through crap town tomorrow, High Speed Stena -ie 4 knots for thirty minutes from Stranraer, 4 knots for forty minutes in Belfast Lough and just under the hour at a speed swift enough to gently titivate the chilled Chardonnay in Stena Plus.

Norn Iron

Mountains of Mourne.

RCDGC (PBUI)

Bliss

2009-09-18T12:39:00.007+01:00

WE CARE WHO SWIMS

A worried duty officer from Fishwick Special Branch contacted Huttonian about the banner headline in this weeks Berwickshire :

SAS are 'risking their lives' at Pease Bay

On being advised to read the article which you can here he was persuaded that the rather sinister looking invaders hurtling onto the beach in dark uniform were not SAS or Special Boat Service -merely surfers protesting against the reduction of effluent standards from the nearby water treatment plant during the off swimming season in Scotland
From my view point these guys should be well rewarded not so much for taking a stand against sewage but for having the courage to go into the frigid sea at all. As someone has commented the concept of an off season for swimming in Scotland is a novice one in this context. When, he wonders

is the On Season?

( Given Italy's reluctance to keep its troops in Afghanistan after suffering casualties the other day and Silvio BERLUSCONI 's apparent indifference to the outcome of the conflict explains much about the reputed motto of the Italian SAS:

Who cares who wins

2009-09-17T11:57:00.004+01:00

Scotland's Favourite Brake Hard Destination seems not to be Birgham village according to this letter to the Berwickshire

SIR, - Recently two road signs erected several years ago by a local resident were removed by Scottish Borders Council.
These signs bore the words ‘Please Drive Carefully Through The Village’. On the back of the east end one I personally had placed a ‘Slow - 30mph’ sign.
Why were these removed? Apparently, the story goes, because a Peebles person had complained they were a danger to drivers.
All over the country such signs can be seen. What was so different about these?
Since this occurred the main road through the village has become a race track. We are horrified by some of the speeds.
SBC only rarely now put up the smiley/grumpy road signs which I fought, with Euan Robson, to get placed up, and the 30mph signs are useless. I understand the local community council are now seeking something more positive to be done. I can only hope that they have made an urgent request. If not why not?
There are 80 year olds, 70 year olds, 60 year olds petrified of leaving their driveways in their vehicles in case some idiot slices them in half. They are happier driving out of the village than in it.
I hope the Peebles resident (if the story is true) can live with this.
Resident of
Birgham.

The Hutton Think Tank (Roads and Space Section) as part of a road safety campaign are also concerned about the standard of driving particularly on the notorious B6461 East of Paxton House. They are lobbying for smiley/grumpy road signs every 400 yards or so until the A1 Berwick By-pass which will frown at anyone doing less than 45 mph. Perhaps the bulk of the offenders are the as yet unsliced in half Birgham evacuees fleeing their driveways for safer pastures. May I suggest that it would be more convenient for them and safer for us if they aimed their souped up Ladas further West. Peebles rather than Berwick for example

2009-09-16T10:44:00.005+01:00

SPOOK BUSTERS?

"Q Here" the Quartermaster of Fishwick Special Branch has drawn Huttonian's attention to an ad on the front page of the Gerdian which asks : 'Where else could you Travel the World and Witness History in the Making?" No, not a puff for British Airways but for "Operational Officers" in MI6 aka SIS. If you want to know more, sure you do, go here

It reminds me of a much better drafted Army Recruiting Poster current in the 1950s:

'Join the British Army. Go to Exciting and Exotic countries. Meet Exciting and Exotic People.

And Kill them'

Someone told me that this was a spoof. Having been in Operation Musketeer in 1956

I am not so sure

In the meanwhile and assuming you have nothing better to do try the Virtual Tour on the SIS website. I am sure the charming lady taking you around here, the official Spooksperson, as it were ,will make you consider a career change?

Failing that there is always Second Life

(I am told that this building was originally intended for Fishwick but failed to get
Planning Permission despite Big Jim F' support. It now houses FSB's sister organisation in the Vauxhall area)

2009-09-15T11:36:00.003+01:00

BARDS OF BERWICKSHIRE

SPECTRES ON THE LANDSCAPE

Well here it is. Thank you Meigle Printers of Galashiels for a good job. The book is unveiled: small yes, slim very and perfectly formed

It will be launched on to a suspecting world at a concert given by Brass on Tweed in Christchurch Duns on the evening of 18 October with some of the poets reading their contributions interspersed with Scott Joplin, Asher, Handel and the like. Three Prize winning contributors (Primary School age, High School, and previously unpublished adult) will be presented with their prizes and will also read. And amidst the crunching of crisps and slurping of wine, copies of the anthology will be on sale as part of the apres culture entertainment

Space is very limited. I have all the tickets

If you want to avoid a mad rush you know what you have to do

Binnian walk

2009-09-14T10:21:00.001+01:00

Binnian walk
Originally uploaded by erase

Roll On Next Week as Huttonian and the wife will hope to be in Norn Iron looking at views like this-or perhaps not as it is a long walk to get to this point and I have 'done something' to a leg as a result of over enthusiastic sand castle building with the middle granddaughter in Fife There comes a time in life when the bucket and spade should stay in the boot and together with King Cnut (Canute?) accept that the tide is going to overwhelm your edifice despite your frantic efforts and shouts of encouragement from a five year old 'Come on Grandad you can do it'

How wrong she was

Thankyou Erase for this stunning shot-and many more where they came from

2009-09-13T09:58:00.005+01:00

Chatter Never on a Sunday

Oh for a Nairns in Palmers Green. Even after a lie in to 8-15 and a gentle stroll to downtown PG the newsagents were firmly shut. Sunday certainly but this is work ethical multi ethnical London. Its also non committal, out of my space, sod off London The guy at no 19 or so was prodding a snail with a plank as I went town wards. I made some apt comment about snails as one does in such circumstances. He grunted and lowered his chin, still prodding. On my way back the snail was in a successfully prodded posture slime oozing from a broken shell. No 19 has good peripheral vision and having sussed my approach lowered his head even further, knuckles tightening around his slime stained plank.' That's that then' I suggested giving his gate a wide berth.

Not even a grunt this time

I will need to get back to Duns for that bright Berwickshire Bandinage.

And indeed for Scotland on Sunday

When I finally found the newsagents open (they had overslept they confessed) I found the Observer-new slim shape? No. Supplements. Overslept?

Irish Times, check. USA today, check; Good Morning Warsaw, likely. Turkish DAily Delight, probably

Scotland on Sunday

WHAT on Sunday?

I am to collect the supplements later

(I did not see the Polish Gazette as in the image above. I wonder if Scotland on Sunday has a Polish edition? Only in Scottish of course)

2009-09-12T17:10:00.006+01:00

Reston : the last Shufti. Hopefully

As seen from N13 on a glorious warm Autumnal day sense reigns supreme amongst the sun kissed voters on the Berwickshire News 'Issues' Poll

Should Reston station be reopened?
Yes [2.7%]
No [93.8%]
Don't Know [3.6%]

So apart from John Lamont and Big Jim F who has voted yes? Must be a number as each vote changes the percentage by .1 . Which equally shows that a very large number are voting no.

Power of the Blog?

Or common sense?

(The image, thank you Hutton Think Tank, Photos and Fish Section, for this mock up image from their Report : Reston Station: Gateway to Berwickshire: Predicted usage.
The title of the picture : 0800 Monday Rush hour. The figure who has just arrived has not been identified )

2009-09-11T10:44:00.007+01:00

Reston on whose Laurels

'CAMPAIGNERS for the re-opening of Reston Station were given a major boost last week when the Scottish Transport Minister agreed to fund the next step in the process to find out whether it will be financially viable.' is the opening sentence of Janice Gillie's main story in yesterday's Berwickshire. You can read the rest of the article here

AS a long time opponent of wasteful public spending (New benches in Hutton Village always excepted) I am delighted to the read that at last the value for money aspect is going to be examined-the elephant in the room will be found to be white. You would have thought that financial viability would have been the first thing to consider-years ago when the campaigners in RAGES fired their opening salvos. But there you are. Financial cut backs means hard choices but in the case of Reston Station and its hourly service to East Linton this is an easy one. So Mr Minister pull the plug and throw it away.

If you can bear to read the article in full you will come to the usual supporters for madcap if locally populist schemes. Mr Lamont will loudly back anything that might add a vote or two to an already healthy majority and as for Big Dim Jim-dim does not necessarily apply in this case, the developer's faithful friend has a nice acre or two down Coldingham way-railhead at Reston, commuter housing at Coldingham. Oh but isn't that good farming land? Yes. And look at Big Jim's record of support for building on farming land.

And much will become clear

2009-09-10T10:10:00.004+01:00

Huge Majority against reopening Reston Station shock

The 'issue' in today's Berwickshire News on line is whether Reston station should reopen .
The Will of the People is expressed as follows :

Should Reston station be reopened?
Yes [0%]
No [100%]
Don't Know [0%]

Pretty decisive, what?

But it is just occurred to me given the early hour that I may have been the only person

to vote!

So vote early and vote often seems to apply here as it did in Norn Iron up to the 1960s

I have done just that. The public are not fickle :

Should Reston station be reopened?
Yes [0%]
No [100%]
Don't Know [0%]

Keep them coming in

2009-09-09T18:42:00.005+01:00

The flowers that bloom/hang in Paxton Tra La

Well as a Huttonian, or ex Huttonian in a residential sense may I be amongst the first to congratulate our neighbours, the 'wee' Village of Paxton for doing this First entry and instant success. I don't know what Vox Pop in Hutton will make of this stunning victory (sucking of teeth and the odd pursed lips probably)-it did not enter and it has to be said neither village took much interest in this competition all the eleven years we lived there and I am not sure that I could work up much enthusiasm about hanging baskets and their like. But good show none the less.It will be interesting to see what the Hutton Hall Committee make of all this. Paxton will need to be cut down to size, somehow.

I note that Duns does not feature amongst the top towns. Given the rather garish floral displays foisted on us by the SB Council 'gardeners' I am not surprised

2009-09-09T11:57:00.005+01:00

Lots of Swallows Don't Make a Summer
is Borders Saw # 421

I am grateful to the new owners of the Old Manse for this image of young swallows taken in the little summer house on the back patio from where Huttonian used to shoot rats in the wood pile-those were the days as you can see here (scroll down)But it is glad to know that the Swallows (and these are swallows) returning to old haunts. There is little we can do for them in the Small-House-in-Duns apart from admiring the way they avoid low flying aircraft. Apparently these two little chicks tucked up in their dry mud double cot are the last of the litter-the others are away and preparing to fly south to sunnier climes.

If any

The new Old Mansers have thought of an ingenious way of getting rid of rats from the woodpile.

They have got rid of the woodpile.

I never thought of that

2009-09-08T10:59:00.006+01:00

Let Dirty Cars Lie

is Borders New Saw #52

One my way back from picking up the overpriced Guardian from Nairns, I met my regular 8.45 bloke of passage-Scotsman reader, on his way to pick it up. He was talking to a guy leaning heavily on two sticks. When the latter had struggled off, I was told that he was lucky to be alive. Vehicle accident apparently. No not the victim of a some wild eyed boy racer; he had been persuaded that his car parked outside his block needed a clean (any car which has been more than 800 yards from Duns especially in the Hutton direction, needs a clean after wet weather.I.e most days)This involved carrying a bucket of water down twenty stone steps to a yard. He tripped on the first one and fell down the rest banging his head on most of them on his way down. Badly cracked nut, two broken legs and severe concussion. But alive.

I suspect if you look at the small print on your personal accident insurance you will find under the list of non coverable activities-just before skiing:

'Car washing' and quite right too.

And anyhow as indicated above keeping you car clean in the Borders is as open ended and interminable as painting the Forth Bridge. Any road which goes anywhere near a farm, and of course they all do, has a built in skim of instant mud-just take a bit of rain and four revolving tyres and its off to the car wash again. Muggins

(The guy in the image (thank you Lauren of Flickr)-no not the damaged Dinger-does not seem too put out about the prospect of cleaning his car. Perhaps it is not his. But it has obviously been along the B6461. Quite recently)

2009-09-07T09:56:00.003+01:00

BBQ SUMMER. The Sequel

I am assuming that even Duns (and Hutton) were included in the BBC Terror Centre's forecast for a Barbecue Summer. The highest temperature in these parts over the last few weeks was 19C. In the kitchen. (The wife had left the oven on and its door open.)
Some weather sites are talking about an 'Indian Summer' I suspect that it will be confined to India.

If we had a barbecue we would now move it indoors. Apart from anything else with our double glazed windows hermetically sealed it would reduce our carbon footprint.

And the Hutton Think Tank (meteorological and climate change encouragement centre) is forecasting a
Wood Stove Winter

WEF last week.

So we lit ours

last week.

To join the stampede to reduce our contribution to climate change by 10% we switch off our lights and watch the fire (claimed to be carbon neutral but whether that is before or after lighting it we are not sure)

There is nothing much on TV.

Anyhow

2009-09-06T14:06:00.006+01:00

Unsupervised dogs will be shot
is the heading of a letter to the Berwick Advertiser the townee cousin of the Berwickshire News

"SIR,-For the fourth time this year one of my sheep has been mauled by a dog!
I have not personally observed these events happening. But I have decided that, in future, any dog not properly supervised will be shot.
I do realise that to many of your readers this will seem harsh. However, if anyone has seen the result of a dog attack they would surely agree with me.
The sight of a lamb with the skin of its face torn off or so badly bitten that the bone of its back leg is exposed is quite an horrific one.
I do appreciate that most dog owners are very responsible. To be privileged to have a dog and walking on Goswick beach is a fantastic experience.
Dogs are, by their nature, hunter and need to be fully controlled, more so especially when there is livestock about.
I do not want to carry out my threat so please keep control of your pet at all times"

Bully for him.

Perhaps incontinent curs could be added to the cull.

And Spitall Beach be added to Ground Zero

(Even if you enlarge this image of Spitall Beach you can't quite see the dog crap. But believe me

it is there)

2009-09-05T09:55:00.003+01:00

Humble and Obedient

As a junior member of my first Foreign Office department my principal chore was replying to letters from the public-and being involved in the Arab/Israeli confrontation there were plenty of angry customers with strong views to sooth and inform. And plenty of right eejits who were away off the wall but still had to be responded to punctiliously and politely. We had to take the job seriously as long gone were the days that civil servants could reply to persistent letter writers with a 'Dear Sir or Madam, I am instructed to inform you that your letter has not been selected for a reply. I remain, Sir or Madam, your humble and obedient servant...

Accordingly I much enjoyed this letter from the Guardian sent in by a regular bloggee

Dear Mr ,

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to
our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I
will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging
letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand".
This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy,
traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent
whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the
doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other
letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from
"pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers"
might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case
of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own
organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as
a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they
see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute
to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth
in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the
canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's
rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the
government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party"
yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the
funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off
the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish
lickspittles" and "dancing w**res" whilst far more than you have accounted
for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking façade of a university
system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with
the vagaries of the postal system;
2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing
else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the
Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics
involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish
to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that
even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live
in India" you would still owe us the money.

Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely,
xxxx
Customer Relations

Fi

This is said to be a genuine letter (I have removed the names)

I can believe it

Inland Revenue for me in Second Life

2009-09-04T11:01:00.005+01:00

Hurrah! Another Record for the Borders

Co'path motocyclist denies doing 166mph

is the headline over this little item in the Berwickshire News

"The offence is alleged to have happened on the Dolphinton straight of the A702 the Scottish Borders in May.

BERWICKSHIRE motorcyclist has denied travelling at what is thought to be the fastest speed ever recorded on a Scottish road.
Neil Purves, 27, of Cockburnspath, was charged with reaching 166mph on a 60mph road .
Mr Purves denied the charge at Peebles Sheriff Court last week and is due to stand trial in October this year"

At least he wasn't on the B6461 or the Fishwick Bypass. Most of us can cope with the boy racers and other speed merchants, just wince, move over and good bye Jimmy -the problem is more from the inveterate middle of the road slow coaches intent on driving(npi) other road users mad with frustration.

We confidently predict a future item about some one travelling at what is thought to be the slowest speed ever recorded on a Scottish road. And I have a very good idea who that will be. And where. And just my luck to be right behind her.

I wonder who nicked Mr P? Observation by a low flying aircraft? Not overtaken by the fuzz and flagged down you can be sure.

(The image is not of Mr P on the A702-but, allegedly, of a visiting biker who had failed to notice an unexpected speed bump on the Fishwick Bypass-designed for speeding tractors, apparently)

2009-09-03T12:16:00.004+01:00

Beggar your Neighbour?

Huttonian could hardly believe his eyes. A Mendicant in Berwick. It must be the credit crunch. This was in the station just outside the main door. He seemed familiar-could it be my old friend the Princes Street beggar? On a short break holiday?The wee dog and its snug warm jacket was very similar but this was a younger man. No requests for small change, no sardonic 'Have a good day' as you slunk past, trouser pockets unentered, and praise the pigs, no bagpipes. Just an empty tin.

Grateful for the absence of the pipes (It is England after all, if only just) I dropped in a pound. The wee dog wagged its tail, the bloke gazed into the middle distance. A slight curl of the lip. Jumped to his feet, picked up his tin, flicked the coin into his jacket pocket jerked the wee dog after him and disappeared in the direction of the ticket office.

Got the final bit of his dosh for his ticket?

Kings Cross?

First Class?

Mission accomplished

Glad to have been of service

2009-09-01T12:19:00.008+01:00

Barber Shop Quartet

The Scottish Review, or at least the editor Kenneth Roy continues to plough a lonely furrow defending the decision to release the 'Lockerbie Bomber' He may be getting to the point of overkill but I still recommend his latest (possibly last) word on the affair here :
Like I Mr Roy I have generally found the Barber Shop, especially the male only STFTWE?* variety a bastion of the right wing knee jerk UKIP adherent. Customers and Barber alike so I would hesitate to quote views expressed there as a genuine example of vox pop
But perhaps it is in this instance? Kenneth Roy makes much of the "32% of the Scottish population – 1,277,056 adults – (who)support Mr Megrahi's release on compassionate grounds"
As he says "You could build a decent, humane society with 1,277,056 people"

But what about the 68% who might not all advocate the the unkindest cut of all but who would have preferred for him to have died on Scottish soil; preferably banged up?

What shall be done with this lot? Three million or so on Mr Roy's arithmetic. They are the ones who surely need working on when you start to build a decent, humane society

I sincerely hope we do,

"starting tomorrow"

(* Something for the Week end? )

2009-08-31T16:22:00.008+01:00

Know your Duns?

These images are mostly of scenes within the Dun's town boundaries. The first 4,000 correct answers identifying all the places inside the town will be entered into a prize draw supervised by the Hutton Think Tank (Lottery and Rotten Luck Section)

First Prize A week in the Barbican Hotel

Second Prize :

two weeks

2009-08-30T14:10:00.008+01:00

PIGG BRINGS HOME THE BACON
is the banner on page 11 of the Berwickshire News

Indeed this a event which we miss in our move to Duns: the annual Hutton and Paxton Horticultural Show, now in its 103 year. Judging from the paper's coverage little has changed since our last participation on 2007. Same judges, same winners, same high quality of participation. The wife had some successes despite the fierce competition. First Prize for Rhubarb thus (incidentally and inadvertently) depriving the usual annual winner of the prize for the best overall vegetable display.(It may indeed have been J Pigg who swept all before him this time.) She also had sporadic success with potatoes and one year got second prize for her broad beans. Some categories were hopeless for the novice: onions were the automatic preserve of the Onion Club-an almost Masonic Society with vacancies for membership more or less on a dead man's shoes basis. Our organic tomatoes, small and tasty, never could compete with the large shiny and tasteless force fed, chemical war-fared offerings from the usual experts. (Organic veg was noticeable by its absence in all categories)

Huttonian had scarce success, Once a glorious second in the Industrial Section (Best snap shot-foreign holiday) with a shot of Lions in Zambia beaten, incredibly, by Lambs in Somerset-England being, quite rightly, foreign)

But one glorious year-the first time that there had been a new category: Best Plate of Summer Fruit (in the vegetable section!)I returned to the hall to be delighted by the image you can see above.

First Prize!

Out of how many I hear you ask?

Er,

One

2009-08-29T10:40:00.009+01:00

Full Cycle

Town Mouse has written movingly here about the departure of an old friend. Thanks to Shunters of Berwick " From Anywhere to Anywhere-eventually" my old bike, like the Ashes, has come home. It is good to see it again.

It is, in the correct sense of the word,unique. Put together by a craftsman in north London who created his machines from the remains of others-half nicked (in the sense that the chained bit defeated the thief who made of with the rest and then dumped it)
partial survivors of an argument with a car or a bollard; tossed out unloved Raleigh surplus to requirements and in the pre Freecycle (npi) era what else could you do?-'Bring me your muddled messes yearning to be reconditioned-and I'll lovingly do it. And I did. Cheque will do nicely guvnor' Although it never graced the corridors of the Old Admiralty Building as my other Foreign Office Bike did propelling me, one legged virtually, around a department 120 yards long and 50 wide it has seen honourable service and was the star of Disgruntled Commuter now replaced with another purpose built but so- this -century model. So to Duns and a quiet retirement.

One problem. Unique bikes need unique tools. Saddle (12" too high)needs lowering. My huge collection of tools for most occasions is incomplete so technical assistance required. The Other Half of Town Mouse is now in receipt of close up images of the appropriate mechanisms (sample above) and electronic advice will soon be forthcoming

The bike boasts an air-powered klaxon horn (disguised as a water bottle). I am told that it is VERY LOUD To use this I must very carefully wait my moment.

Duns may not be ready.

It is usually a quiet place

I may have to wait for the next Jim Clarke Rally

2009-08-28T10:19:00.006+01:00

Hippo Seen on B6461 may not be too fanciful in view of a late traffic flash:

Following from our roving traffic correspondent Ms Hogg:

Rhoda has asked drivers to take care of local roads because of the detritus left by harvesters and tractors. The stretch by the former Whitsome Hill Farm is very nasty this morning. This caused no end of squealing brakes in the early morning hours.

Indeed being wet and harvest coming in is the combination which produces muddy roads in these here parts. Currently the B6437 is mud alley with the fuzz being involved by a bloggee in persuading the Council people to put on their (mud) coloured wellies and get scraping.

I had never realised, until being on the Hutton and Paxton Community Council in my tossed salad days that farmers had a legal responsibility for clearing mud after them-punishable claimed one, by fines up to £10,000-not that any local would ever (dare)shop a farmer-and in consequence one or two of them were extremely dilatory about getting rid of the muck leaking from their farm yards or their fields. One farm not unadjacent to the B6461 was the biggest offender. No names no lawyer's letter

This is born out by the National Farmer's Union as you can read here

(The image, I am unreliably informed, may be of a couple having had a mud bath on the B6461 asking around about who had nicked their clothes)

2009-08-27T12:15:00.006+01:00

Grouse Don't' Apparently

It was inevitable that amongst the readers of the Berwickshire one or two would fight back against the recent condemnations of grouse shooting. Two letters in this week's paper for instance. Go here and scroll down It is slightly curious that neither writer has felt able to give their full name. I am glad that 'Jeremy' (how many of those in the Borders I wonder)feels able to point out: :'The way to look at this (the grouse) is as a totally wild bird which is far better off than the chicken or pig from an industrial farm.' Indeed. Happy and healthy browsing through the heather. No battery farming for him. Then 'Bang Bang. Thank you my good man' And if it was a clean shot (a big if judging by many incompetent shots we all know of) a good decent death for something which is 'In many respects... is regarded as a delicacy' That's all right then

And not a rich man's sport? The Scotsman sees it differently:

"The sport is a highly profitable investment with a day's driven grouse shooting costing between £130 and £170 for a brace (pair] of grouse. A typical party of eight people could shoot 100 brace a day at a net total cost of between £13,000 and £17,000" Full story here

So someone is laughing all the way to the bank. Benefits the Scottish Economy-sure
and if the Lairds, against all the evidence, are feeling the pinch on their grouse moors there are always wind turbines to fall back on.
(Thank you Thoeflich of Flickr for this image of the Ruffed Grouse-see him and other birds here

He certainly shot a lot-but only with

a camera.

2009-08-26T12:32:00.003+01:00

This week's 'Issue' in the Berwickshire News is as follows:

Is vandalism an increasing problem in your town or village?
Yes [69.2%]
No [27.7%]
Don't Know [3.1%]

It has been running for some time and unlike 'Should Berwick be part of Berwickshire' or 'Should Duns be used for the Jim Clarke Rally next year?' has not attracted much interest; one vote either way makes a one percentage change on the result.

I don't know much about the bigger settlements but apart from the odd car scratching Duns has a good record on Yobbish behaviour (Boy Racers always and dishonourably excepted)Hutton was even better-not even the mobile post office vandalised (npi)by the roving vigilantes of the Hall Committee. The only case I can remember in 10 years residence was youngsters going into the church and throwing the pew cushions around fairly harmlessly-it caused the church to be locked on occasion but is now back, like the old Windmill Theatre, to 'We never close' And quite right too.

When first in Hutton I heard that there had been a case of a bicycle stolen-recently-ie in living memory and I am grateful to the almost unknown Borders Poet Abdul Basset Mc Grahy for his valiant attempt to record the event

Neighbourhood Watch Borders Style

‘Community Alert’ they call it here.
Oxymoronic surely.
Our rural calm is soporific.
Unbroken by any suspicion
of criminal intent ever since
the village burglar was apprehended
escaping from the scene of his crime
on a stolen bicycle.

He might even have got away
had he not been walking the bike
uphill. (He had nicked the one
without gears.)

Now if you venture through the village
in its post neutron bomb like emptiness
all you get is
the occasional curtained twitch
of the neighbourhood watch
going about
your business.

2009-08-25T19:50:00.002+01:00

Battered Dunlop
Originally uploaded by old_greywolf2000

Hackers are usually poor golfers-they hack and some obviously hack harder than others. But this guy (I am assuming, perhaps wrongly that the golfer (in a loose sense) who did this to the Dunlop was a bloke. Muscular, non smoker. beer drinker. tattooed and seeking relief from his caravan in Pease Bay. As you do.

If he recognises his victim which I found well into the out of bounds area to the right of the 14th at Duns (MBUI) he is welcome to have it back. Otherwise I will free cycle it.

Why, I hear you cry, was I well into the out of bounds area? I was looking for my (whole) Ultra One which had decided to join the Fascists on the extreme right.

Did I find it?

No.

Not yet

But one thing Scotland has taught me.

Persevere in the face of adversity.

Especially if it costs you money not to

2009-08-25T11:42:00.011+01:00

Shooting from the Lip

Musings rarely ventures into the wider range of politics outside the generally apolitical borders-Huttonian leaves that to the witty and surgical Havering On (although I think he prefers music to ministers)but I can not resist the article here about the 'Great Escape' starring Abdul Baset Al Megrahi, a walk off part, and Kenny MacAskill in his greatest role. As someone who was peripherally involved in the hunt for the 'Lockerbie Bomber' I have considerable sympathy for those many people who believe that they banged up the wrong guy and I have even more sympathy for the Scottish Minister of Justice who I think did exactly the right thing in sending Mr M home on compassionate grounds despite all the international pressure on him to let the wretched fellow die in prison. And now of course he is the fall guy with people like Gordon Brown scrambling into their flak jackets, hunkering down and closing the hatches to escape the fallout ( metaphors slightly stretched but you know what I mean)This was an act of great political courage-and even, although I hate to say it, Fishy Salmond has come out of this ordeal by Washington remarkably well. No, I am not voting SNP, but full marks in this instance. Well perhaps 9 out of 10 as Mr MacAskill was surely a bit naive to expect the Libyans to do the decent and sensitive thing by receiving their returning Prodigal Son with anything short of full and fulsome honours. I wonder if he read the advice from Our Man in Tripoli on this point? Much better to have insisted ion using an RAF plane flying into a Libyan military base but even then the Libyans would have probably insisted on a hero's welcome

And as Kenneth Roy points out in the Scottish Review politicians not intimately concerned should keep their mouths shut until they have something considered and almost sensible to say.

But that will be the day.

Kenneth Roy also suggests that Gordon Brown is losing credibility by staying mum and
'shows no inclination to emerge blinking into the sunlight with a statement on Lockerbie'. The decision to release the Libyan is not a matter for the UK government and he is wise to stay out of it-and indeed when he does emerge the bunker he should make clear his constitution detachment with a statement on the lines of
: '

Er, Abdul Baset who?'

(Thank you Iain Dale of flickr for this image) Of you recognise the senior lady in the photo you may win a coconut.

But not ftom me

2009-08-24T09:44:00.008+01:00

Said Tweed to Till 'Pxxx Off'

Someone on the Today Programme commenting on the BBC series 'Rivers' informed the nation that unlike England and Wales canoeists in Scotland had the 'right to roam' in any bit of water they wanted to (not the reed bed sewage plant in Hutton, one fancies) This may be the formal legal position but I suspect the Tweed Commissioners and the riverine Lairds (same sort of creature once the Tweed is fully within Scotland)might have other notions in the interests of the protection of precious fishing. I don't see His Grace the Duke of Buccleuch bothering with legal niceties if a horde of canoeists entered his territorial waters of the river-extensive as it is. Nor would the Tweed Commissioners have truck with such yobs if they dared come mob handed.

One does see the odd canoeist in the Paxton House reach where the river still forms the border between Alba and Albion nd I have actually seen a small Hovercraft on the Tweed, launched from below Paxton House (see image)

but only once.

I suspect the launch was unauthorised, possibly from sheer ignorance of the wrath likely to come, and doubtless the guys with the Barbour Jackets, Green wellies and double barreled Purdeys later called on the skipper for a bit of a talking to.

The Tweed can be very nasty in a spate but apparently the Till has the killer reputation as this ditty, composed shortly after the battle of Flodden, of blessed memory, points out:

Said Tweed to Till,
What gars ye rin sae still?
Said Till to Tweed,
Though ye rin wi' speed,
And I rin slaw,
For every ane that ye droon
I droon twa!"

Canoeists, you have been warned

2009-08-23T10:39:00.003+01:00

Happen Nothing at t'mill

Nothing very much seems to be happening over the long posted application for a new house at Hutton Mill. It may be the dead hand of the summer hols as senior planning officials take tbeir long breaks in Iceland (to be near the pile of missing taxpayers cash in the Icelandic Banks)or it may be that the applicant has not got the message-better withdraw the paperwork and avoid an embarrassing rejection. One more objection has been received see here.

Go on Albert do the decent thing. I know its a bore to have to commute nearly 21/2 miles to see your pheasant chicks but you really don't need an extra house for an extra bloke to micro manage the enterprise in duplicate.

A pity about your grandson perhaps but commuting from Aberdeen to the banks of the Whiteadder is an even longer trek than the hard slog to Paxton

2009-08-20T18:59:00.004+01:00

Posting may be intermittent as we leave the Reivers for Robin Hood country on Friday for a get together in Nottingham of many of those volunteers involved in the Wife's organisation Cerebral Palsy Africa-see here It has the distinction of being the only charity belonging to the Berwickshire Association of Voluntary Services (BAVS) which works 'out with'(as they say here) the Borders-and along way out with at that

All being well we return Sunday evening and normal service will be renewed there after.

The image is of Robin Hood fighting off the Sheriff. Allegedly

2009-08-20T17:02:00.004+01:00

Last Post? Yes. Really

Huttonian is told that despite the misgivings of some of those pensioners who still use the Hutton (mobile) Post Office on its twice weekly visit to the village the diktat of the Hall Committee whereby the van was no longer welcome to park outside the village hall has now come into effect. The Van is now doing its stuff on the wind swept slopes of Knowe's Close. No shelter. no Loo.
Come April 2010 will it have any customers left especially if the coming winter will be as inclement as the present summer? Wanna bet?

Well done Hall Committee. What the Post office started by closing the office in the Hall you are finishing off in style. Sweet revenge but a bit hard on the community?

Or don't you mind?

(The image of the Mobile Post Office outside the Village Hall is what the Sun might describe as Very Unique. Rare certainly. Down load and keep safe.)

2009-08-20T11:28:00.003+01:00

Bordering on the ?

The Borders Party raises its profile with this letter to the Berwickshire News

SIR, - Politicians must not be cowed by political correctness, so may I, as a councillor, give my views on the exhibition, Made in God’s Image, which enraged so many?
Am I a Christian? Yes. I’m also passionate about art having spent four years at the Central School of Art and Design.
The Bible with “F*** the Bible” written in the margin, and the video of a girl sticking pages torn from the Bible down her pants and bra were clearly enough to make people livid. But this sort of “art” has often been used to bait religious people, and the best thing to do is ignore it.
The trouble is this exhibition cannot be ignored, because it was publicly funded. If Glasgow Council intended to support the gay community then they have spectacularly messed up.
As well as causing great offence to Christians, Jews and Muslims, untold harm has been done to the way the gay community is perceived. Importantly, reactions to this exhibition were entirely predictable.
Glasgow City Council has seriously failed in its duty to promote good relations between people of different groups and should be dragged before the Public Services Ombudsman for gross misuse of public money.
The Charity Regulator might also be interested. Culture and Sport Glasgow, the arm of Glasgow Council which funded the exhibition, is a charity which controls Glasgow’s unparalleled portfolio of Common Good assets. Funding such an abusive exhibition clearly breaches the requirement that charities should provide public benefit. Attempting to justify this spending the charity’s chief executive, Dr Bridget McConnell, (wife of Jack, the former First Minister), spouted the sort of pseudo-intellectual rubbish that should have no place in local government.
By contrast our arts officers at Scottish Borders Council take an honest approach and have consistently encouraged real art. Let’s keep it that way.
COUNCILLOR NICHOLAS WATSON,
Leader of the Borders Party,

Without necessarily dissenting from the sentiments expressed I wonder how wise it is, if Councillor Watson feels so strongly about the event, to give it free publicity? Might there not be an ugly rush from some parts of the Borders to have a gawk and a giggle?

If Eyemouth empties this pm you may guess at the reason.

And had Reston station been reopened.......?

If you can't afford the fare to Glasga' you can read abouthe exhibition here Certainly its stated intentions seem a long way from the Councillor's interpretation of what is on display.

2009-08-19T08:55:00.003+01:00

Out of A Clear Sky but bring your brolly

Off to Embra today and will see you here

Bring some specie

And avoid the Mendicant Piper of Princes Street. He is (a) loaded-thank you Japanese 'homecomers' (b) out of your way to West Nicholson Street